Thursday, December 05, 2013

i work out

It's been a ridiculous amount of time since I posted anything. The reason for that is simple: I have not done anything worth wasting your time reading about. For certain, I've tried to do lots of things that, had they worked out, would have been interesting; but none of them have. I tried to kill a deer but I missed. I tried to double my affiliate traffic from YouTube for the holidays, but instead YouTube arbitrarily cut it in half. I tried to join the navy, but they won't answer my messages.

Thus, my days for the past month have been made up primarily of washing other people's dishes for slave wages, writing reports about what the gas industry isn't doing around here, coming home by myself late at night and watching documentaries about far away places––while lying on the couch, and delicious food––while drinking protein shakes. There's a tempting analogy there, but I won't make it.

So I've been somewhat frustrated. Not that it's all anyone's fault but my own really. Frustrated all the same, though, and without much outlet. It's far too cold to run anymore, I'm all alone, and I almost entirely gave up drinking three months ago.

So instead I started weight training.

Countless bench presses, pull-ups, overhead presses, dips and curls to which I've been slowly adding things I'd never heard of before like "weighted V-ups," "skull crushers" and "incline dumbbell flyes." 10 reps per set, 50 seconds between sets for 40 minutes a day, two months and counting.

The only thing about weight training though––and the reason I haven't done this in the past––is I'm never sure if it really does anything for me. It's certainly not the kind of exercise my body is naturally optimized for. Narrow shoulders, small torso and long narrow appendages all spell negative leverage/injuries. What's more, I don't gain weight, which kind of makes it difficult to measure progress.

At least it's impressive to talk about though. Up till now I haven't at all really, but I'm thinking of changing that. After unintentionally hearing some LMFAO the other day, I'm considering adopting "I work out," as my generic response to any compliment I receive––whether or not it applies.

"That sweater fits you nicely, Andrew."
"Thanks, I work out."

"Thanks for filling those orders for me so quickly."
"Well, I work out."

"Thanks for your prayers the other day. It really meant a lot to me."
"Don't mention it. I work out."

"That was a very nice folk rendition of Silent Night you just played for us."
"I work out." 

"I'm so glad you introduced me to Matt and Kim. They're off the hook."
"Yeah, I work out."

"This mulled cider is delicious!"
"I work out."

I may even put it on my resumé. Or mention it in the next voice-mail I leave my recruiter.

Will have my life turned around in no time. 


Lindsay Eryn said...

I like this a lot.
I don't work out.

Unknown said...

Just for the record, there is always something to write about. And I greatly enjoy reading your writing. Keep it up. I work out too.

Andrew said...

Thanks guys, I'm always encouraged (and a little terrified ;) to know people are reading this.

I'll try to write more often.