Thursday, September 19, 2013

Wait and see

I'm planning on being gone for the weekend which means that I have to make accommodations not only for the opossum––there's only one now as Crash died in a tragic escape attempt gone horrifically wrong––but also for the insufferable dog and cat to be fed. While attempting to make those accommodations I ended up taking the opportunity to remind my parents of the ever more pressing need to find them a new home. They don't really belong to anyone now and the day they can't stay here anymore because the house leases may come at any time.

I think Bella can sense it. She's been all moody and depressed lately. Slouching about, growling, refusing to eat. Of course, she was like that when I got back from Texas a few weeks ago, but I think that was more just the shock of not having my family around. Now it's more than that. I think on some primal level she can sense the uncertain, transitory nature of her situation.

I've been tempted to be frustrated at the fact that I'm stuck having to be responsible for her––if you hadn't picked up on that from my post last month––but the reality is that, for all my annoyance at her dependence on me and lack of alternative options, the dog and I are in very much the same predicament.

Circumstances have changed, people have moved on, and somehow––whether for lack of volition, motivation, aptitude or luck I'm not sure––we've slipped through the cracks into a place where we're completely dependent on circumstances outside of our control and the only option is to wait and see what happens next.

Will I ever get anything more than an automatically generated rejection letter from a company that I apply to work for––and will the companies I apply to ever stop their slow march away from anything I ever wanted to do?

Will the affiliate business that I've poured hundreds of hours into trying to build even though I don't really like it ever do more than pay my student loans and a tank or two of gas every month? Is it really anything more than a shield from reality?

Will I ever be in a place where I can make a major life decision without having to ask parents and/or relatives if it's okay with them?

Is there a point anytime in the near future where I won't be one car breakdown or unexpected medical bill away from a big flashing "GAME OVER" sign across the screen of my life?

Will I ever get a chance to do anything that has any value besides making me more interesting and enigmatic to people who read this of-late poorly updated blog?

I guess Bella and I will just have to wait and see.

1 comment:

Tai Sophia said...

The fields are white.....