It’s possible that I’m writing this post just so that I will
have written seven blog posts in 2018, rather than the even more pathetic six
that the count stands at now.
I’m honestly not sure what to make of this year. In terms of
my own life, I can think of equally convincing narratives in which it’s a turning
point, and other’s in which it’s just another placeholder. I guess if you
really think about it, every moment is both a turning point and a place holder
simultaneously. But I’ve been trying not to think about it.
I think too much. Writing makes it worse. So I’ve been
trying to limit how much I do of either. I’ve obviously been successful at
limiting the writing part. The thinking part has been more of a struggle.
I need to spend more time with people. I’ve known that for
several years, but I’ve been reminded of it again visiting my old friends back
up in New York this past week. But it’s difficult. A couple weeks ago, I went out for tea with someone I met on the internet, and she told me she couldn't believe me when I said I was a sort of a loner and spend about 98% of my time alone. But I am, and do. I don't think it's what I want, but it happens somehow.
I think I need to change my lifestyle, because I’m worried
about my health — and become more focused on my goals, because I’m worried
about the future. But I also think I need to stop worrying about my health and about
the future.
In terms of the world, I don’t know. I just don’t know. And
I feel like I know the least I ever have.
I hope you have a happy New Year, wherever you are. Whether
2019 is a turning point or a placeholder for you, may you find what you need in
it, be that peace or striving or something in between.