It's been colder the past couple days in Geneva. That's where I live now. And the weather is only the most recent of things that's changed in the last few weeks.
Shortly after the last thing I wrote on here, I was offered a job. And while it was a job I'd been waiting for for months in a sort of limbo since even before I got back to the US, the moment I signed on the dotted line, all the things that had piled up on top of each other waiting to happen happened all at once. I moved to a completely new city. I got a new email address and a new real-world address. A new insurance company. A new phone number—three new phone numbers, really. A new view, and a whole new group of associations.
So the fact that there are geese flying south over the lake and I'm finally thankful I brought my sweater back from Beirut with me is only the most recent iteration in the sequence of change that's been happening.
I think this weekend was the first time that the novelty of all the new positive realities of having a pretty nice apartment all to myself in a beautiful old town and a job that at least sounds quite impressive wore off enough to realize the less positive ones: that I am completely alone and have to work almost all the time.
Neither of those are terrible things. I'd take them over a myriad of other things that have happened to me before.
Still, it's all enough to cause me to reflect. And also to wonder what the next year will bring. The few weeks before I finally got the "yes" for this, I was pretty dead-set on moving to Central America or somewhere equally warm and inexpensive, jotting down my occupation on the immigration card as "Retired YouTube Celebrity," and calling it quits on this place for good.
Now, things seem to be going down an entirely different path. Only I'm not sure yet what that will be. I'm in a line of work now that's uniquely volatile, but paradoxically might promise the most stability I've ever had. Then there's the question of whether I really want that stability—which, given, may itself be only an illusion.
Much has been written about the conflict between freedom and security, but lately, I've been coming to realize there can also be a conflict between freedom and independence. That's a subject for another post, though.
At any rate, I just hope I don't end up wishing I'd headed for Latin America with those geese.