Sunday, November 14, 2010

Feeling Like Lawrence

It was an awfully long week since my last post. I had my second meeting with my BFC Latvia group on Wednesday, and we agreed on our first fundraiser, which is good. That afternoon I had my interview with OM, which I felt went really well, although I'm honestly a bit intimidated by the next step in the process, which is sending them my resume, along with links to some examples of my video work. Thinking in that direction, I spent the next evening down in the communication department's Mac lab working on Final Cut Pro. It's really great... and I need to get a copy of it for my own machine as soon as possible (although, I could also use a new computer to run it on too... but one step at a time) When I got back to my room, I realized that I had made probably my stupidest mistake all semester... aside from taking Spanish with Pascucci instead of French with Paige that is, and completely missed my first ACTS Project class. I was relatively upset. I've realized recently (though not for the first time) that I'm not very good at dealing with stress, or letting things go when they were my fault. So I'm trying to work on that.

It's getting to the point where I can see the light at the end of the tunnel for a couple of my classes. Not with Spanish though, the bane of my existence this semester. We're getting into these stem changing verbs, which I think really ought to be banned as a crime against humanity. We have so many tests for that class as well. I got A's on the first two, and a B on the last, but only after studying for hours. They just keep coming. We have another next Friday, and then I think at least one more before the final. If I don't have a breakthrough in understanding, which I doubt will happen, I'm afraid I'll be getting C's on them from here on out. The tests aren't even the most frustrating part though. Pascucci has us do a huge amount of in class exercises based on the material she just gave us in class. I'm terrible at these, because I rarely learn anything in class (I always have to learn it from the book), so I'm generally lost, and everyone in the class knows it. It's been really depressing this semester to have to get up everyday and go to something that I know I can't succeed at. So anyhow, that's my self-pitying rant about Spanish. 

Today I started working on my homework as soon as I got out of bed in order to set aside a solid five hours to watch Lawrence of Arabia. It's a movie I have long wanted to see, both because it's a classic, and also because I was intrigued by the historical and geographical setting of the film. I was not at all disappointed, and would heartily recommend it if you have five hours to spare. As the plot developed, I found myself identifying more and more with Lawrence, which is unusual for me (to identify with movie characters, that is). Not in the sense of him being an Alpha type personality and not letting anything stand in his way (not me at all) but rather how in the second half of the film, he becomes more and more conflicted in what he wants. He seems driven to do crazy things without knowing why he wants them and then only gets satisfaction from things that he doesn't want to do. And while I may not be blowing up trains in Saudi Arabia or leading a revolt of Bedouin Tribesmen, I somehow feel like I'm often faced with the same dilemma.

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